Too many times, people in the job search go to every function regardless of type and act like it’s a job search meeting. It goes something like this: “Hi, I’m Dave Smith. I’m a CFO but I’m currently in the job search. My last company laid me off after 15 years. I’ve been looking for six months now. So if you know anyone looking for a CFO, here is my card.” Hey smooth talker. Don’t wait by the phone, that call is NEVER coming!
Here’s what happens when you tell people you’re in the job search. They take pity on you and think you’re going to ask them for a job. They immediately get uncomfortable…as though unemployment might be contagious…and look for some way to make a quick getaway. In reality, you’re not looking for a pity party – nor is your job search contagious. You’re looking for contacts that will lead you to the next opportunity. So, don’t give them an opportunity to take pity on you – or make a quick getaway.
What if you did something crazy…like not tell them you’re in a job search. And I don’t mean make something up (like I’m a consultant – which NOBODY believes anyway – even if you are one). What if you did this:
“Hi, I’m David Smith. I’m in Finance. Mike, tell me more about that trip you just took. It sounds fascinating!”
Try turning the conversation back to focusing on them as quickly as possible. And then ask question after question. Don’t give them an opportunity to take pity on you. Give yourself an opportunity to have a real conversation and create a connection–maybe even make a new friend.
“But…what if they ask where I work?” you say. No problem…don’t tell them (because you don’t work anywhere anyway). Just avoid the question. There’s no such thing as the Networking Police (actually, maybe that’s me!). No one is going to arrest you for not answering a question. I do it all the time, and no one even notices.
If you don’t believe me, then why don’t you try it yourself? The next time you’re at a function and someone asks you a question, just change the subject. Maybe something like this:
Sam: Molly, where do you work?
Molly: (pause) Hey Sam, where do you work?
Now…this is a little difficult to get the point across in written form (I really need to start my video blogs!!!). It’s not confrontational. It’s very casual…the pause, the look – like I’m thinking deeply as they ask me a question – so it’s quite possible in their mind that I didn’t even hear their question, then the “Hey Sam, where do you work?” just comes out. Then I immediately follow it up with another question. After that, another question….the key is to not give them a chance to ask you a question.
The second they ask you a question (which means you paused too long between questions – you need to get better at not letting those pauses linger), just don’t answer, but ask them something else instead. If you think it’s your turn to talk…you’re sorely mistaken! (By the way, I used this technique during interviews…and was offered a job more than 90% of the time.)
Why is it important to ask all the questions? The more people talk about themselves, the more they’ll like you. The more they like you, the more they’ll open up their network to you…which just might be where you find your next job.
You can choose to either scare people away, or you can choose to engage them. Now that you know how…the choice is yours.
Filed under: Job Search, Networking Tagged: | careers, Executives Network, job search meeting, job search meetings, Looking for a job, Molly Wendell, Networking, networking events, networking for job search, networking meetings
I quite agree with the jist of this post (focus on getting to actively know your networking acquaintance by asking good questions….not on your “joblessness”). I do, however, have to disagree with the counsel to flat out avoid telling anyone that you’re in transition. If not played smoothly, this can easily come across as evasive and possibly even deceptive.
If the ‘what company do you work for’ question comes, I believe the job seeker should have a focused, concise (and even confident) answer that identifies their transition/search. Don’t dwell on it, but put it out there. THEN I would be immediately prepared to turn the question/discussion back to the other person. If they want to help or have an idea, they’ll come back to your job search.
The thing is, when I go to a networking event (I’m currently employed), I really do want to know how I can help the people I meet. If someone I meet is in transtion and “hides” that fact from me, it limits the help or value I can give.
All I can say is that in the 2 years and 3 days I was in transition, virtually every time I told someone I had just met that I was in the job search, they got nervous and wanted to get away from me. But, when I would avoid the question, I found that it bought me time to build the relationship. I eventually shared with some people that I was looking…but only when I thought they liked me enough to not try for a quick getaway.
Why don’t you try it yourself? Next time you go to a party, tell everyone you meet that you don’t have a job. See how they react. I bet after the awkwardness (despite the fact that you “smoothly” followed up with a good question for them), you’d change your approach too.
Help me understand how you were ‘in transition’ for 2 years yet you were offered the job 90% of the time you used this technique?
Frankly, I think honesty and sincerity is the best approach. If you act desparate and tell your sob story to everyone you meet, surely you’ll scare most people off. You’ll also turn people off with anything less than sincerity. Time the ‘pitch’ or request for a contact name for when the timing is right – that time may be another day – over coffee with the person you’re talking with.
My 2 cents…
The offers came after I changed my approach – which was about 1 year and 9 months into the search. Maybe I was a little slow!